Welcome to OUR World of Food

I have been aware of my eating disorder since I was 23, and now at 35, I'm just a year into treatment. I vividly remember my first purge and the location, which I will share in a separate story. I refer to my eating disorder as "Alice," who adapts and changes with my life. Initially, I was a situational purger, convincing myself I would only vomit twice to reduce the food in my stomach. Then, Alice shifted to exercise anorexia, where I went to the gym twice daily, consumed around 1,200 calories and purged if I ate more. Eventually, I discovered bulimia, driving to multiple fast-food places to indulge in my favorite meals, only to purge afterwards. During the pandemic, Alice realized bulimia wasn't her strength, leading to a return to situational purging and merely eating to survive. Next came "healthy-only" Alice who restricted herself to under 1,200 calories of supposedly healthy food, still involving purging. After enduring a challenging year and experiencing a major depressive episode, I finally sought help. Following months of PHP, IOP, and regular meetings with my treatment team, I began to feel stronger, but relapse hit hard, bringing me back to intensive therapy. Today, I still struggle daily—questioning if I eat enough and still purging—but I’m committed to documenting my journey, recognizing that recovery is not linear.